#2. Finding Out

Hello Anyone,

How do you find out you have cancer?  Rather slowly, as it turns out.

Blood in the toilet.  That can't be good . . .

I first saw a doctor on November 9, a Friday.  He told me it was probably nothing serious, but he figured it wouldn't hurt to see someone. Uh, OK.

So on the following Wednesday, I saw someone.  (You know, with the weekend and all.)  He said it probably wasn't anything serious, but I'd better have a colonoscopy, just in case.  Next week, OK?.  Um, sure, whatever.

(Does the word "colonoscopy" produce a momentary chill?  It does for me.  Never mind, we do what we must.)

So I had a colonoscopy.

Let me tell you about my colonoscopy  (Now there's a sentence I hope I never hear from anyone.)

Actually, the procedure itself is a non-event, as they knock you out.  So the account remains suitable for the dinner-table.

The preparations, on the other hand . . .  I will simply list some words: purgative, laxative, and cleanse.  Also fast, and Jello.  Assemble these words into any sentence that amuses you.

"Oh, and by the way, we'd like to get a CAT scan while you're out.  It's probably nothing serious, but, well, better safe than sorry.  Haw Haw."  (OK, I made up the last part.  Doctors NEVER guffaw.)

The result of all this hilarity was that they couldn't really tell if it was cancer.  They thought it was cancer, but maybe an ultrasound would give a clearer picture, so to speak.

Peterborough's almost brand new hospital doesn't have an ultrasound machine.  Of course not.  No problem, Oshawa's does.  Swell, so off we go to Oshawa's Lakeridge Healthy Cancer Centre Hospital Place.  It's now December 12.

Another week, and we return to get the results.  We enter the office, sit down, and wait for the news.

Yes.  It IS cancer . . . probably . . .

Oh for crying out loud, can't doctors ever just say something is what it is?

Very well, I'll say it.  It IS cancer.  Period.